Journalists gathered on Monday (10/6/19) to watch Raab C’s leadership launch at the Royal Festival Hall and here are 10 scary things we learnt about the original Brextremist..(and that’s not Esther McVey)
The day was notable in London for constant rain. It was if God himself was shedding tears of pain, as he was forced to listen to one un-costed pledge to cut income tax / National Insurance or VAT after another, after another, from the various #ToryLeadershipContest rivals. First it was Hancock, then Raab, then McVey and finally Gove..
But let’s get down to business… What did we learn in those painful 22 minutes of Dominic Raab speaking words, very, very badly?
1) What’s this? Raab is being introduced by the Chair of the Women and Equalities Select Committee??
WOW! Now this is a surprise.
How much bullying did it take to get well-known feminist Maria Miller, Chair of the Women and Equalities Select Committee, to introduce not-so-well known feminist, Dominic Raab?
2) Raab doesn’t understand irony – “We’ve been humiliated in this country during the talks with the EU”
Can we PLEASE just remind Raab who was responsible for the negotiations…. Yes, it was YOU who has humiliated the UK..
“The tired approach that got us into this mess… [Raab, that was YOU!]
…can’t get us out of it” [We agree. #StopRaab becoming PM]
3) The man is really boring… for a self-proclaimed “buccaneer”
While nobody could actually see Hancock at his campaign launch also at the Royal Festival Fall – a classic schoolboy error is that you don’t stand in front of a bright window. You’ll just appear in the dark on camera.
Hancock struck celebrity-gold when he brought out his mate, Judge Rinder, for support. Rinder, in turn, is mates with Benedict Cumberbatch as most people know…
Chaotic at times, Hancock’s launch was a blast compared to the dull, and deeply, deeply, serious Raab C launch, which occurred a floor beneath in the Royal Festival Hall.
We loved it when a fired-up Hancock asked journalists: “If you could choose, what time you would be alive? Wouldn’t you choose now?”
Even McVey had her picture of Thatcher and the EXCITEMENT of a stage invader [who she actually laughed at!].
4) “Me, 3 years-old, and the bowl haircut”
For some reason, Raab C seems to believe his upbringing is REALLY interesting.
Unlike Gove or Hancock, who are happy to speak without notes, nervous Raab was totally scripted. And those scripted “jokes” barely got a laugh.. [there is one involving Emily Thornberry that is just soooo painful].
Raab was so nervous and so dull in contrast to Gove, who strolled around the stage confident and with his notes rolled up, ready for action.
5) Raab has a great memory. He may have been just two years-old, but Raab remembers 1976 VERY well.
He has a stunningly good memory of the strikes of ’76, inflation and coffins piling up – bearing in mind Raab would have been just TWO YEARS OLD!
Raab was born on 25 February 1974, so we doubt he was worried about inflation aged two.
We developed a nasty cough [cough..”bullshit!”], whenever Raab talks about his formative life experiences that resulted his becoming a Brextremist Tory.
We are pretty sure its all TRUE [cough..bullshit!] that he recalls the “national pride” of a Silver Jubilee “street party” which he [apparently] attended way back in 1977, presumably rocking his trademark “bowl haircut.”
6) Worryingly, Raab has NO FEAR of bringing his kids into his leadership campaign
We believes that MPs should have a private life.
We wouldn’t invade Raab’s privacy by NAMING his father, mother OR CHILDREN (who, we found out are just 6 and 4 years old..poor “little mites”).
But Raab is happy to bring his family into his politics, particularly if it allows him to illustrate yet another lesson he learnt on his way to become a Thatcherite Tory.
Who names his own kids at a launch speech in front of journalists at the Royal Festival Hall? We have a feeling that by invading the privacy of his family may well come back to haunt him, should he ever become PM.
But we WILL name Mrs Raab C – that is Erika Rey-Raab mainly because Raab C wants us to know that she is BRAZILIAN. Last time we checked, Brazil wasn’t in the EU so her right to remain in the UK will be just fine after Brexit [we hope!].
Raab C wants us to know that his wife, Erika, who is Brazilian (we thought we would remind you!) because he is trying to get across that he is completely fine with immigration (not like some of those nasty fruitcakes and racists in UKIP).
Raab has form in the area of using is family in attack videos. A particular gutter move, was to use a picture of his late father, a Jewish refugee, in a social video to attack Corbyn. #NotFair
7) He refers to the UK crashing out of the EU as merely a “transition”
He talks about hard Brexit causing a period of “uncertainty” and “transition” for British businesses. But that’s not what the CBI is saying!
Business is saying that a WTO Brexit will be carnage for the British economy, which is already flatlining.
He double-downed on the warning that Parliament won’t stop him from crashing out of the EU in October.
8) “I believe in a second chance society”
Do you Raab C? Really?
That isn’t just a soundbite? PS: what is a “second chance society”, anyway?
9) “That’s a pay rise for the nurse, getting up at 5 am to catch the bus to work..”
Then the moment came, like any good Tory he offered a tax bribe. In his case, a cut in National Insurance contributions for the poor (like nurses).
That’s when the heavens started to open and sensible Hammond started to rain tears of despair.
In fairness Raab wasn’t the first or the last last Tory leadership contender that day to offer un-costed tax cuts, which the editor of the FT described in a Tweet as “financial incontinence”.
10) He opposes climate change and wants to stop it, unlike “luddite Labour Party”
Well, well, well…. Raab isn’t blue, he is GREEN.
Look Raab, we’ve read your voting record on preventing climate change…. and its frankly all hot air..
11) He thinks things will go “back to normal” once Brexit is delivered…
Brextremists believe if only we can just get out of the EU, by whatever means necessary, and things will return to normal.
The Party will reunite and the Tories can carry on being, well….Tories.
They don’t understand that Brexit will NEVER end. Whitehall will be dealing with it for decades to come.
Unpicking and re-writing all the trade deals and introducing new regulation will go on and on, and ON…..
We’ll be employing EXTRA staff to man the borders, not fewer.
We’ll be arguing for decades to come over why a box of tyres is able to move across a border, yet a human needs to have their passport stamped.
It is why we have to Revoke Article 50.
Remain and then reform the EU.